New Years Resolution (Involuntary)

My dad told me yesterday that I would no longer be a part of the family if I did not get married.

The exchange went like this:

Me: Dad, what if I'm not supposed to get married? Maybe I won't get married. I'll just adopt kids and raise them.

His words exactly: "You are no longer part of the family" (exactly as it was. but imagine a monotone voice with a bleak and stern voice. HE didn't even look at me when he said it.) I want to remember that he said I was no longer his daughter...wow.

Me: Dad, are you giving me an ultimatum? (with a look of shock and awe!)

Dad: ..... (shaking his head) you are not part of the family.

But the day before, when I asked him if he'd be okay with me not marrying a Korean man, he turned over on the air mattress and went to sleep. WOW.

I'm not sure how to feel. part of me thinks he was just trying to scare me, and part of me is a little upset by this reaction, but I don't know. At this point, I know that I'm just working on parts of me. But I guess, I feel like it's a little selfish of him to be asking or demanding for something to happen that's not entirely in my power...it's just not a good feeling. like my position/place as a daughter is conditional based on my achievements. wow. this is the 21st century right? I hope that I am perceived with more merit that isn't reliant on just personal acheivements.

peace.

Things that are taking up my life...

Brothers & Sisters
Gossip Girl
One Tree Hill
The Office
30 Rock
Entourage
Dexter
Californication
Lipstick Jungle
Samantha Who?
The Hills
House
Two and a Half Men

The City
Heroes

If to distant lands I scatter
If I sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather 'til I only dwell in Thee?
If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one ambition
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision 'til I only dwell in Thee
That I only dwell in Thee
'Til I only dwell in Thee
-B. Fraser

BahAHAHAHA

Wish list

Okay, so I don't ever really feel like I should be posting things like this, but it's a way for me to also keep track of things to work for, or feel like I can save up to buy: (in no particular order)

-Electric Toothbrush (I hear sonicare toothbrushes are life-changing, although my only problem with it is that it might make me feel lazy and unenvironmental)
-Sigg thermos(the insulated kind) or a Thermos brand thermos--I lost mine some time ago...and I know that I will need a steady supply of hot water with the oncoming weather
-new running shoes
-a food processor
-an electric stand mixer
-a holga camera
-a polaroid instant camera or the new ZINK printer(the jury's still out on this one)
-an Olivetti or any vintage typewriter
-a first edition copy of Franny and Zooey
-a first edition copy of On the Road
-a first edition copy of The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe
-furniture
-a massage
-books
-music
-a closet
-gifts for friends...

Change is soon....

July 11, 2008.
Hold on to your pigtails...it's going to be brilliant.

ps. some updates from SF in the SW (for those of you who haven't caught on, that would be Santa Fe in the SouthWest)

Celebrity Siting #1-- (okay, it really isn't a sighting, since I knew he was going to be there) Billy Collins gives a reading the first Friday we spent in town, and he was such a trooper. There was a pretty laced out fan in the crowd (local, I presume, who was pretty loaded and mistook the reading for a concert--she first yelled out a request, "Read Silence, Billy! WooHOOOOO!" (with the rock-on fingers and clapping, no joke) and then stood up and clapped, and cheered and yelled every time....and then repeated the title of the poem he had just read...I on the other hand, came unprepared--ended up writing his reading list(set list) on a 5-dollar bill, which he later took from me to show his agent, because he said, "This is a first--" and after he signed it, he said, "Now it your 5-dollar bill will actually be worth 6 dollars!" That bill is getting framed.

REAL, UNINTENDED Celebrity Sighting #1-Joshua Jackson and Diane Kruger snuggling IN LINE IN FRONT OF me and roomate at a Starbucks in one of the quirkiest shopping centers in town--(so far--we haven't seen/experienced very many yet--hitting the books, ultra-english nerd style, you know) I think the best part about it was when I called a dear friend of mine and she started nailing me with questions like, "What did they order? What size?" I simply responded with, "What are you going to do with this information?" =) love you girl.

The rumor is that Mena Suvari and Matthew Modine are also in town shooting a film, and there was a Mena siting, but not by yours truly. Although in my improved lung capacity(altitude is a tough one here), I have been running around town--with olympic-sized hopes that this will boost my endurance and stamina, and perhaps egg me on to reach greater, more realistic goals of participtating in a half or full marathon before too long--and caught site of a set location, trailers and all...hoping to check it all out.

I'm really hoping for a Sandra Bullock appearance. She just seems like she'd live down here. and the word is that Julia Roberts has a summer hide out in these parts. My old roommate had a yoga class with Ally McGraw (think Love Story, the movie).

Okay, so the real reason I'm in Santa Fe is for grad school. Nerd Camp, or English Camp, as my program is more popularly and frequently referred to by myself and my compadres. I just realized that I have a month left--and time is nowhere to be found...

I have done some legwork and lungwork--and hike up to an alpine lake--the opera is on the slate, and I was hoping to attend a rodeo, but with daddy-o in town, I may have to forego the rodeo...it's gonna be a game time decision...

There are definitely some weirds here. and I also experienced/witnessed an accident live. today. sigh.
I have also discovered that NM or Santa Fe, is the capital of highest number of deaths by drunk drivers--hence, I bring you 100 Days and Nights, a campaign that the police are trying to implement, where they have scheduled 100 days in the year where sobriety check points will be put in place...let's hope it does some good.

You know you've been out in the boondocks all year when the site of a Whole Foods Market brings tears and warm, fuzzy feelings to your body...

There are tons of streams beds, creek beds, river beds, but no water: an inconvenient truth.

I have two papers due this week, and then in two weeks, I have two more papers due.
I will also have read 19 books by the end of the 6 week session. Knocked down so far:
Mrs. Dalloway
The Hours
The Secret Agent
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Beloved
Dictee
Essay by Sigmund Freud: "The Uncanny" (supplement to our reading of Beloved)
Maus I and II
The Reluctant Fundamentalist

and tonight, I had a green chile cheeseburger at Blake's Lotaburger....two thumbs up for food, but it took about 15 minutes for our orders to be announced...santa fe customer service: two thumbs down....

I also recommend Allergena, Zone 6 from WholeFoods as a great alternative to claritin or any other allergy drug...wow. I mean, WOW.

for now.... just a dose...

WAH KA WAH KA--

It's supposed to be 78 degrees today.
I was supposed to be done with a set of essays today.
I am supposed to read 19 novels before June 10.
I am supposed to receive a new fridge, that works.

I am supposed to be responsible, mature, and good for my word.
but all I can think about are the failures and the mistakes that I have made in a day.

I was exchanging emails with my mentor this past weekend over a student situation that was eating away at me--and he, being my mentor, wrote something that has been on my mind.
He wrote:
"The most important thing here is exactly what you said: not to take personally what kids do. It’s huge. Almost 98% of the time it’s about them...something going on in their lives. Good teachers always blame themselves. It’s natural. But, this interaction with Miss ____is a great opportunity to understand it mid-stream... To adjust perspective. .... Onward! To the waves."

He's a surfer, I love it, and I need to learn it quickly, like I need to learn golf, and how to skateboard again, as well as how to drive stick shift, or as they like to call it around here, 'manual', and above all things, I just need time to do it all!

but I digress. because I can...anyway--I forget that often what I am presented with in the classroom is often what I only care to see. There is more going on in the lives of these students and I just think that it can be so easy to let all of that slip away, to disregard or just ignorantly overlook the substance that composes these kids to be who they are. Equal opportunity, right? don't let the insides get to you, or else, you look at them differently. But it's hard--I find that I am caught between the rock and hard place, but sometimes, and most of the times, it's just about them. They could care less what I'm thinking, because, let's face it: in high school, we were pretty precocious, but self-centered students, kids. young. inexperienced, insecure...yeah, all that.

so I'm good. I can find validation that I am older, hopefully wiser and the better for it...and that I have something in me to help them along--and that I am to be more mindful, more vigilant about the fact that even though I want them to show me what they got, they're also walking through that door, with a lot more than I am privy to see.

today was sixty degrees. it rained, and it was still cold downstairs in my classroom. I told myself I never wanted to have to be in a sublevel/basement room, where I could feel the mold and then dampness of the earth overtaking my life...yes, dramatic. but you know, when you spend a year living in a sublevel apt, on the verge of floods, leakage, draftiness, insect -infestation and mildew--you too, might be as I am.

The saving graces of my new adopted classroom are: that it's a cool room, it's located next to a cool English teacher, and well, it's my mentor's.

and yet, it's colder in my classroom than my fridge is able to keep my food. boo.
spring has decided to sleep in. so fine then. please come, summer. I am ready for you anyway.

the esteemed.

So....I never really thought that I would have it in for a man in uniform...but can you blame me if I say that I've changed my mind? I think that it's fairly noble of Prince Harry to be on the front lines, and I don't think it is to get more publicity. He seems to be one who does not necessarily feel the need to distinguish himself from the rest of the world, even though he will forever find that such a distinction is inescapable from his status. I was reading an article about his deployment and he was quoted to have been happy that he could be out there with his fellow troops and guys and 'just muck around.'

But it's cool that he wants to be a part of the effort. There is definitely something that he wants to contribute, other than his status. And I will say that there is a lot to be thankful for, if there are more people like Harry in the world. He's young, and his previous transgressions, perhaps might be excusable--since they have been fudged with by the media? Whatever. now that the world knows he's deployed, he's gonna get sent back home. I guess there is nothing fair in the world, no matter who you are, where you come from.

So now, if we can switch gears just a little bit:

I can't believe how striking the resemblance can be between generations.

going to korea, I watched:

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
The Nanny Diaries
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
The Darjeeling Limited
3:10 to Yuma

coming back I watched:

Michael Clayton
The Jane Austen Book Club
Lars and the Real Girl
Rocket Science
Across the Universe

who am i kidding....

so tomorrow is valentine's day. and while I can cringe and feel my stomach churn in disgust, I can't help but say, that I'm probably a sucker for the holiday...but only on the condition that I would never expect anything from anyone...even from the hypothetical or real boyfriend...who might still go to lengths to extend his sentiments...

I think I wrote a while back that I preferred to refer to Feb. 14 as Singles Awareness Day--because this holiday can potentially cause even more grief, heartache and the inevitable reminder to those who don't need to be reminded even more, of an absence of love in their lives...

This is not to say that Valentines' Day is bad...I am tempted in my state of panic--grading papers- to just bake a batch of heart shaped sugar cookies...to send them to people who might not be expecting gifts and wishes for a happy Valentines day--

and to that effect, everyday, then should be valentine's day, should it not? just like everyday should be like thanksgiving, and christmas...

so i guess, I'm secretly hoping that I might be given an expression of love, in the same way that I would like to give to others...
I'm such a hopeless romantic....

My nephew has found his feet.
It's been 20 days since 2008 started, and I have this feeling, but I don't know what it is.
Why is it that no one ever makes fun of skinny people? I mean, not that people have to make fun of skinny people, but I see that there are obviously dangers of teasing those who are skinny, but why do we have to make fun of fat people?
I have been thinking a lot about the way that we define ourselves, and I guess this comes from more recent events and stories that have crossed my life in the past couple of weeks, but it's funny how one person's stock can drop or rise depending on who he/she is associated with.

But that brings me back to the fact that I have been thinking alot about what we choose to be defined by. I have been a little disappointed with myself too, in light of the campaign road and what I need to be aware of in terms of issues and people to hold accountable for our nation's future. But part of me wants to just get out of this place, go away.

Tomorrow is MLK Jr. Day. But I wonder how MLK Jr. would feel about the world today if he woke up and saw what is going on.

And I love giraffes. more and more everyday. because like zebras, I would think they use their necks and react, unlike zebras, who stand by and watch, when a fellow zebra is getting mauled by a lion.

WAHOO

so now that everyone will think I have an illegitimate child...I can say with confidence that if he were this cute, then I'd be okay with it! haha.
but seriously, whoo. where do I begin. I guess, it would be Palm Restaurant on Christmas Day--who else but Phil Jackson brushing past me after the afternoon Lakers game at the Staples Center.

oh okay, here.

so lucas finally gets to sit in grammy's lap! and grammy didn't let anyone near lucas all NIGHT.

so this is actually who lucas takes after, cheeks, chin and all!

this was as far as gramps got.

but then he made some progress the next day, and lucas was happy.

the ro family takes a stroll at redondo

like father, like son.

blowing raspberries!

I have no words for this picture...except: so stinking cute.

lucas was happy that he got to see jake and reese at the restaurant too!

what a little elf!

ACK!! mom's the best!

seen the red, need to see the black

Transformers
Live Free or Die Hard
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Introducing the Dwights
Talk to Me
Ratatouille
Time
The Bourne Ultimatum
Hairspray
Waitress
The Simpsons (yes, the Simpsons, I know...but I might be okay waiting for this on DVD)
Mr. Brooks
Interview
No Reservations
Chalk
Macbeth
Broken English
The Ten
The Last Legion
Rocket Science
Superbad
Arctic Tale
27 Dresses
Juno
The Great Debaters
Stardust
Resurrecting the Champ

POOPED

Movies I watched this winter break:

Transformers
Stardust
Resurrecting the Champ
Ratatouille
The Bourne Ultimatum
Hot Rod
The Great Debaters

I watched 6 of the 7 movies on a plane, flying somewhere. I slept a total of oh, 8 hours through the hmmm, 33-some hours of flying time...

but I also flew on Christmas and on New Years; I guess there's a first for everything. But I realized even more how much life will not stop for even the smallest moments that I so want to savor.