KEEP SNOWING!!!!

I know it won't--I'm sure the few inches and more that will accumulate today will be gone tomorrow--but I still believe that we can fix the state of our world, our environment. But for now, the snow today is big, chunky, a little wet, but it's almost feeling close to a whiteout situation...where visibility is readily decreasing....

It's already feeling like a long night. I have to say that today was a true mess of slurred moments; it's perhaps that time of year once more, when I feel that I can't seem to catch up with myself, with the rest of the world.

Piles of work lay in front of me.

Try sleeping with a broken heart.

Today is Valentine's day. The movie, which I ended up watching on Friday, wasn't all that great, because it really did remind me of Love Actually, but at the same time, I couldn't help but let the tears fall in the end with Julia Roberts...I suppose we all long for love in the way that, even when we fail to feel it the most, we know or hope to be loved so much more than we ever believed could be possible.

And now today, I attended a long anticipated wedding of a good friend and her fiance. Got to see Chase Utley (and got to know who the guy is--sorry--I wish I could be a more devoted and knowledgeable baseball fan), but in the end, couldn't help but feel so torn between two of the most opposite emotions ever: Utter love and complete loneliness.

Perhaps the most painful thing about the wedding was that I went alone--and knew three people, more comfortably than other 201 guests who were in attendance. I'm sure there were tons of other people, single, but when you get to be this age---whatever THAT's supposed to mean, it's hard to reach out, to really get to know people--and I definitely felt like I was not a part of any group or table, even at all.

I've also ended up listening to Alicia Keys about 6 times on the radio today, to the point where I spent the drive home from the wedding searching for radio stations so that I could hear the song once more, and a couple of times on the way back, I teared up, for fear of the future; that I might wind up alone, without 'you'--whoever that is supposed to be.

And the saddest part of it all is, at the moment when I could have used a phone call, a person to talk to--everyone was off somewhere doing something else. wow. So I guess this is how it all spirals. downward of course, and I refuse to complain about the state of my life, but I can't help wondering what else it will take to just go on a date, to find the potential in someone--to feel nervous again, in that good way.

With all the work I have to get through tonight, it could be painful, but it's also comforting to know that this day is almost over....and yet...it still goes...so I blog into cyberspace...