gobble gobble giddyup let's go...

just look at the snow....which hasn't really come upon us yet, but I'm waiting! I actually got a nice dose of sun this past week. The first half of the week in the city was nice--got to go watch Die Zauberflote with my girls...and then I got to go to woodbury...and then I got to hang out with my nephew!!!



















UWS to the Pacific... we saw dolphins that day, feeding by the shore, and I must say it was rather fascinating...nature's a pretty darn cool thing. I have to say there was a lot that I began to realize, to look forward to in my coming years, and here they are:

these little Californian boys, with their sunkissed hair and skin, all surfer/boarder boys in the making, screamed and yelled with glee as they spotted the pack of dolphins feeding and playing close to shore, while their mothers exercised up and down the ramp.


Fathers and sons are really a weak point for me. I constantly look at my brother and my nephew, but when I saw this father and son tumbling together, son trying to tackle his father by taking him out at the legs...my heart melted. I know this might be a little creepy but I just really love seeing these moments between parents and kids. what can I say, I hope I can have just as many moments with my own family, and don't have to steal away too many more of these...

But anyway, there's more that has been surfing around my mind--just in terms of the way my life is, and I have to say that this Thanksgiving, I've hopefully grown up a little more, and become more thankful and more responsible for the way life goes. Seeing my nephew, my brother and his family, and just the way that life is happening around me, it hits me that in some ways, my life changes, but I don't...externally, I've been able to do adapt to my surroundings, be a cooperative colleague, and make new friends, but internally, I'm not sure what has changed. And I think I've begun more and more to consider how I have prioritized things in my life. ah, deep thoughts, but I am okay where I am and readily working through it all.

this is, perhaps, what keeps me going:






and I think now, you all must think I'm wigged out and desperate to have a family. keke.

anywho. I hope the turkey time and the family time, and the tummy time were all good for you.

Be well.

ps. anyone have any tips on Wii games to buy? I'm debating. super mario galaxy or super paper mario? there are more options...the olympics one, super mario strikers charged, bust a move, guitar hero,....

We Are E-X-E-T-E-R!

So today was a big day. I woke up this morning in a nervous state...the same kind of feeling when you know you're about to sit through the SATs or the APs, when you know you're gonna hear about college/grad school decisions, when you have to make that career decision about the offer that stands. Only, today was E/A day. And only two months and change into school today was a day that makes up for any of the adversities that I have ever felt about coming here.

so here's to my volleyball coach, and to the teams that have ever come so close to peaking with their potential. these girls made me one proud coach today, and I can't wait to feel the same way about my own children in their accomplishments!

this is orson, and other thoughts of an insomniac

running through my mind at this moment.
all that I need to get done by tomorrow, which is today.
finding that when I feel I've finally managed to work out the scale of checks and balances, something happens to tip it one way or another.
i've been thinking about the risks of taking risks; the consequences and measures of how much you choose to indulge, or just close your eyes and jump.

but this is orson. orson jr.

it's hard to know where my life is going. I constantly look back to the pictures of my nephew, who would love orson, by the way, and I think about how quickly even he is growing--he will be walking and talking, thinking about all the different ways that he will become even more of lucas. i also wonder if anyone might understand what i go through...yeah, boarding school schmoarding school. but I find myself in a position with very little leverage and lots of privilege. Is this how it ultimately becomes? to work and do my job, but then be penned into a situation where you can't really help, but you are privy to information that you don't want to ever have to hear. the lives of kids are hard these days. and while many of you may never stop to think that kids who have lived lives of privilege, don't know how good they have it, you have no idea what these kids go through, have to deal with, or are subjected to...in some way...the grass will always be greener.

que sera sera. they say. but I'm not sure I want it to be just what it's supposed to be.

Calm Down...

that's right folks, this little tyke's moving up in the world, and tomorrow, she's getting a new piece of technology: the digicam, not just any digicam, but a bigboy digicam. no it's not a digiSLR. and YES, I have been technologically and media-handicap for the past few years. so I'm old-fashioned..big deal. but here's the thing, if you are tae eung, or renee, I need a blogspot URL so I can link you up and see your pages! and chrissy, how many do you have goodness gracious!?

anywho. it's a freezerbox up here in New England. and daylight savings is kicking my butt. it feels like 10pm and its only 6p--so...I hope that all is well in blog land. a lot feels like its been going on...but I don't know where i've put all those thoughts...

EA Day is four days away... Exeter Andover. whoo boy. if michigan/osu wasn't a rival, this one is ferocious....I get scowls for owning navy blue sweats. one day, I might just drive to andover and get a sweatshirt...haha.

anywho.non sibi peops.
peace.

oh baby boy...

So I'm swiping these off my nephew's blog, but can you see the resemblance?



















My brother said that I needed to hurry up and get one of these too..I think he's right...there's just a litttttle problem...



















I might need one of these:

unloading.....

a lot has happened in the past few weeks, and all I can seem to do , or rather, all that I want to do is sit at home, drink hot tea, write about everything--all the intersections and events that keep converging with each other in all areas of my life--in all forms, and watch all the programs I've dvr-ed.
I've also been thinking about how I am a fan of teams who can't seem to fully exercise their playing potential: My volleyball team, every year
the Indians
the Wolverines
the Browns
the Cavs
just to name a few....
and then I've been thinking about how my life seems to have gotten busier than I have time to sit and make sure I'm breathing. Just now, I got back from class, went to the dining hall to eat dinner, and literally sat down to eat my meal, finishing it in less than 10 minutes. You'd be proud of me too: I ate a tilapia filet, a serving of eggplant parmesan, edamame provencal, and a hearty-portioned salad, plus a marbled pound cake. yum.

but eating all that in under ten minutes? made me feel like I was in the army...
and I question how much faster life will fly by.

just this past weekend, i was in chicago for a wedding. And I felt like I've been so out of the loop. People are living and changing...and I don't know where I stand anymore...

but what I do know is that wake up and look forward to my nephew, I look forward to making a difference in these students lives...
and I hope that in the midst of it, I'm growing up too.

bah.
and this guy below is coming tomorrow...

In the Library

Beneath leaf-light fluttered ceilings,
river’s gaudy flashes and streams,
language lost when we waken
in books, their muted horizons,

I step quietly. Five students sprawl.
Two at bookbags curled, fetal.
Three appear almost bags of flesh,
shot in chairs, or robbed, trashed,

mysteries unsolved. But no crime,
though something’s come
to rake loot as students sleep.
Some treasure seems missing, its feel

bleeds under these sleepers. I take
my chair, and sigh, break my book,
and one’s cell phone rings like hope
uselessly. Brave enough to flop,

they drift past tests dim as water.
What makes them dream? I feared
unknowns, gaps, history’s blank
with no name, no clue. Panicked,

I’m their age again, unsure, then
asleep, watching my head lift in
nightmares of who I am, or not.
1965. Ratty jeans, no socks,

button-down, tweed, striped tie
half-loose, hair chaos like JFK.
Puppies, we crawled to the edge,
night barked big words, little dogs

of Cuba. What did we know?
Some died. Asia. Some I knew.
Notes on dates, facts, forces,
theorems, theories, abstract choices

battles, weapons . . . what explained?
Did dead fathers find it this way,
in books, sleeping? I’m vexed,
a teacher wandering dusty stacks,

as I often do, weight to read
less than trouble on my mind,
a need to loaf as light twists
leaves, drops here. Is it happiness

flows by, like sun on water?
What I feel with these dreamers,
faces blank of intent,
earphones on, playing the end

of songs to me foreign as tombs,
books they won’t open or use
to sniff blood’s secrets, facts
somebody’s listed, names, lost

hopes surfaced here again
and again. Let tests be done.
My heart’s up, down. These
go steady as new machines.

Each will go fast, faster. Then stop.
Still as memory. Slack as rope.
Books gape. The mystery’s
breath itself, sun, dark. Sharp keys

poke my pocket like a need.
Still, I don’t want to leave.
Lingering with penitents
soon to wake seems mostly right,

if it’s little, really, but masks,
a room of dust on fate’s books,
a room of sun blurring words
where people come for answers.

“In the Library” published in Little Boats,Unsalvaged by Dave Smith.
Copyright © 2005 by Dave Smith. All rights reserved.

TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME

When I said the Tribe was coming back, I wasn't kidding. Boston, here we come. And Grady Sizemore, rock and roll. Someone get tickets for the Fenway....
WAHOOOO!! Small town ball, big time heart! the midwest will rise again.....
1948...after the cubbies...but hey the winds of change are coming.

c-town...show me what you got!

So I'm an auntie. It's kinda strange, although I always imagined this day, but finally being able to hold my nephew, to feed and burp him, to hear him gurgle and jerk around in an attempt to familiarize himself with the world around him, even if only for a short period of time, has been so utterly satisfying.

When people need to eat their own words

I taught a very poorly organized spring elective on language and culture this past year; I'd like to say that while the purpose was great, the means of getting there was not, and I found that I had not executed or thought out how to accomplish my goals more effectively--that I believe I missed out in conveying the intent of doing such activities, or getting my students to think about the very things I hoped they would walk away with. But at some point, I had to stop and ask myself if I was crystal clear on what that point was, and it was precisely then, when I really struggled to accept how and what it was I had done, and whether or not I could be proud of this course. The kids loved it. there were some really great discussions, many insights made and I also believe that they are more conscious of what they say, how they say things and why they say it at all. I think they are also more conscious about the way that technology, culture, and society have shaped their lives.

That said, I find myself in a place of utter frustration-especially in a certain situation when people throw something out into the abyss of public space. What more is there to be said about the conscious decision that one makes about writing or expressing thought in the open? I know, we can go into detail and end up in a circular or spiraling discussion about this; how you never can be prepared, how everyone is entitle to share his or her own opinions freely, how intentions are never fully realized until something is out there, and so on. But I guess I am concerned about the responsibility or the weight of responsibility that is played out on a person. And I only urge those who feel that they should be able to write with abandon, to really think about the way that this world has turned.

As my professor used to say, "we live in an age of 30-second soundbytes", so the way technology has spun the web of our lives to become so much more convenient, has also muddied the place of interpretation. I don't mean to be on putting myself on a high horse, and I don't claim to be one who is holier than thou. NOT AT ALL. If anything I am fraught with error and lack of clarity. But I have to question when someone is not willing to take up that responsibility...

I guess I might have potentially dug myself a big hole--and I guess, feel free to come and throw your snakes into the pit. But I guess to get back to my point, think about what you say, do what you say and believe, and make sure you can always qualify or fully clarify what you mean. Expression and language can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be real pain in the ass if you aren't careful enough. Trust me, I'm still learning that lesson.

Think before you speak; the verbal diarrhea of thought in process can often lead to a really big stink.

haha. (uhm, that was my own conjuring! don't steal it-give credit where it's due!)

some thoughts from a wise website:

"Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. . . . They do not mean to do harm. . . . They are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves."
— T.S. Eliot, Anglo-American poet (1888-1965)

“The measure of a man's character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out.”
— Baron Thomas Babington Macauley, English historian and statesman (1800-1859)

"No change of circumstances can repair a defect of character."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, philosopher and poet (1803-1880)

"Few men think, yet all will have opinions."
— George Berkeley, Irish bishop and empirical philosopher (1685-1753)

HAIL...NO.

speechless. this game doesn't count right? it just doesn't count.
upset of the season they say. future rep of the big ten is up in the air. we're out of the top 10 for sure. but the question is...what do you do with a team that now must play a clean season, with much to redeem in the next three months? Why do I keep hoping?

I'm thinking I'm in the market for some new football teams to root for. the pats stocks have dropped with brady, and now with harris. oh blue. I'm very blue.

YAHOOOO!!!

as of 2:43a this morning...I am an auntie...!!!!!

ahwoogah chacha oogahwoogah

Next to the time that I barely missed one of the greatest matches played by Agassi during the US Open, I think that tonight's first round match will make the cut of one of the most genuine matches played. Yeah, so maybe many of you don't like Andy Roddick, but I do. And more importantly, I am sad to say that I watched my first and last match of Justin Gimelstob--but he definitely stole my heart.

I daresay that it's been a long time since I've seen someone play the net the way the Gimelstob did tonight, but I also have to say that he played with passion, with joy, but with a sense of humor and all the while with a grounded awareness; as he stated in his interview later, when asked about the close first set, he replied, "If I had won the first set, that would have only meant that Andy would have won it in four." (all with a smile on his face) Perhaps he was able to say this with more ease because he and Andy are friends...even more so why, my heart melts for Justin. hehe. He also changed his shirt about 8 times.

All kidding aside, this is precisely why I enjoyed watching the match tonight: there is unabashed sincerity, and passion--hunger that I still wish to feel coursing through my own body, and as I look forward to the opening days next week, in a new place, I am excited but I also have begun to question even more, what it is that I am to be doing. Seeing how Justin Gimelstob will turn in his tennis racket for a headset and a seat up in the box, at 30 years of age, I wonder whether my own life will settle as well.

I guess I know this much is true--that I will soon be embarking on a year of much discovery, discerning, and growing up. I also hope that I will be able to return to a place that I was once familiar with, and that maybe, just maybe, I'll meet someone like Justin Gimelstob, or the man himself, and learn to laugh and enjoy life just a little more.

HOLYMOTHER OF...

If I could tell you about all of my botch ups, slips of the tongue and what I wish I could take back...then I would, but really, all I can do is laugh about it.

some of the highlights include :
"I'm sure you will all want to take advantage of me on Saturday"
"Instead of saying she sucks, she really blows"
"one thing you want to do to me"

watching Alexander (hard core love-making scene) in the presence of two of my students--AWKWARD