this is orson, and other thoughts of an insomniac

running through my mind at this moment.
all that I need to get done by tomorrow, which is today.
finding that when I feel I've finally managed to work out the scale of checks and balances, something happens to tip it one way or another.
i've been thinking about the risks of taking risks; the consequences and measures of how much you choose to indulge, or just close your eyes and jump.

but this is orson. orson jr.

it's hard to know where my life is going. I constantly look back to the pictures of my nephew, who would love orson, by the way, and I think about how quickly even he is growing--he will be walking and talking, thinking about all the different ways that he will become even more of lucas. i also wonder if anyone might understand what i go through...yeah, boarding school schmoarding school. but I find myself in a position with very little leverage and lots of privilege. Is this how it ultimately becomes? to work and do my job, but then be penned into a situation where you can't really help, but you are privy to information that you don't want to ever have to hear. the lives of kids are hard these days. and while many of you may never stop to think that kids who have lived lives of privilege, don't know how good they have it, you have no idea what these kids go through, have to deal with, or are subjected to...in some way...the grass will always be greener.

que sera sera. they say. but I'm not sure I want it to be just what it's supposed to be.