In this short Life/That only lasts an hour/How much-how little-is/ Within our power

So Emily Dickinson was right, perhaps to think about and dwell on that which most human beings are never really ready or brave enough to deal with. And I guess I pause for a moment, in times like this, as there have been more accounts than I would have ever anticipated in the past two and a half years: My grandmother, my grandfather, my colleague, my cousin, and as of today, a girl in my dorm's brother. My urge to call my own and tell him that I love him feels forced, and I paused for a moment, trying to validate whether I was going overboard in the way I have reacted. But there is no such thing. If anything, while it may take some event like this to remind me, to keep me on my toes about what not to take for granted, to make me more earnest and honest and humble about what I have been given, and for how what God has given, that he could just as easily take away, I am reminded of how blessed I am--so I pause, and will try him soon...to let him know that I am full of love for him, for his love for me,and while our relationship may not be conducive to the affections that some sibling relationships involve, we have our ways of showing them.

I'm brought back to the sense of urgency that being with family is important--and I long for that company. for that feeling when we can all come together, despite situations and circumstances, and just be family; be loved and be accepted.

It only seems fitting that my classes just finished reading Truman Capote's account, "In Cold Blood". If I may, what is so hard about grieving, about the outlook of death and life, is that, in the end, life continues, it has to. As Dewey starts back from the cemetery, "...he walked towards the trees, and under them, leaving behind him the big sky, the whisper of wind voices in the wind-bent wheat."

So, maybe if I can leave with just another ED poem:

I sing to use the Waiting
My Bonnet but to tie
And shut the Door unto my House
No more to do have I

Till His best step approaching
we journey to the Day
And tell each other how We sung
To Keep the Dark away.


It's been a hard term so far. and tiring. I don't think I've ever felt so worn. But we survive...and we keep on.